A Series of Reflections

“Who do you want to be? When you are old and gray, what kind of person do you want to see looking back at you?” my pastor asked our intern class in 2018. I walked away from that class time stirred. Who did I want to be? What kind of reflections did I want to see in my life? These were questions I thought to myself as I wrote down “A Series of Reflections.” a paper I wrote portraying various stages of life I hoped to find myself in one day. 

I wrote it down and completely forgot about it for years. It wasn’t until right before the start of my race that I re-discovered it. I was doubting whether or not God really wanted me to go on the race when He reminded me of it. 

As I re-read it, I couldn’t believe it was something that came from me. It seemed too perfectly written. Then He spoke, “Because it’s not from you, but desires I put in you. I’ll be faithful to bring it to fruition as long as you’re faithful to obey and take each step.” Chills right? Writing and re-reading this paper helped confirm my journey with the race. Even now, any time I worry about the future, I think about this promise.  

Here it is, vulnerable and true. These are the stages of life I’m promised to walk through. Forgive me for only sharing pieces of it. I feel like some parts shouldn’t be shared until later in my life.

A Series of Reflections

I look into the mirror, and looking back at me is a young girl with hair that others say is a mess, but she prefers it that way and clothes that others say are too baggy or not flattering, but she never saw the point in wearing tight, flattering things. There was never any room to run wild in those kinds of things. I guess that is my current assessment of myself, a girl who longs to run wild, but as I stare longer into this mirror, I see a girl who will one day be a missionary, a wife, a mother, and so much more. I wonder what that woman will be like. 

One day I hope to look at my reflection, and it be a little dirty and tired from all my serving. I want to be a woman moved by passion and rested in love. I want to be so moved by passion that it alone has the power to physically move me from town to town, city to city, country to country. I want to be a woman who is never known for being comfortable. Whenever passion takes me, once grabbing His hand, there I go. Wherever I reside will be infected with the overflow of passion and the hunger for something more. In my leaving, I’ll leave behind a knowing of and a fire for God.  

What is a woman rested in love? It is to be so full of the love of the Father that it overflows into every relationship of my life. May I never have the audacity to love different kinds of people at different levels, but to love everybody always. This kind of love does not say, “God is in my heart” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”

Loving like that will lead me, one day, to look at my reflection and see my face reflected in the Father’s eyes, unable to break gaze as He says, “Well done, my daughter, my faithful servant.” On that day, I hope to be a woman that doesn’t rely on her works but by what defined me—joy, grace, and above all, love. 

Who do you see in your reflection, dear reader? Who is looking back at you now, and who do you hope to see looking back at you years down the road? Write it all down, get your hopes up, and see the desires He has put in your heart come to fruition with the right obedience.