I’m not sure how one tells the story of goodbye. It’s like a coin with a head and tail. One side of goodbye is happy, the other is sad. One side is excited, the other is anxious. This coin isn’t flipped to one side or the other either. It’s in a constant spin. Constantly feeling each thing. All I’ve ever wanted was to uproot and leave this place. Now it’s time to go, and I can’t seem to come to terms with it.
Leaving is all anyone can seem to talk to me about. Everyone asks if I’m ready, and the answer has been no. I haven’t felt prepared emotionally, spiritually, or practically. It has felt like bracing for an inevitable crash. I know it’s coming, but pumping the breaks anyway. But as I’ve been trying to process all these emotions and do my best to get myself ready, God has been laying the story of Joshua on my heart.
Joshua 18:2-3 “There remained among the people of Israel seven tribes whose inheritance had not yet been appointed. So Joshua said to the people of Israel, “How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given to you?”
God will never have anything ready to give me that I am not prepared to receive. No matter how unprepared I feel. God stands behind me, fully confident in me, and continues to push me forward. The grace of God is simply this: No matter how hard I could try to pump the breaks on leaving, God keeps excelling me. It’s like he has grabbed hold of my hand and taken off running. I can choose to run with him, or he will drag me. Either way, I will get to the places he has for me.
Nothing can stand in the way of what he has for me. This realization hit me the other day. I was spending the day meeting with people I wouldn’t have the chance to see again before I left as well as brainstorming how I was going to pay off the rest of my tuition before I left. That whole day it seemed like I was staring at this mountain of emotions and finances in my way of the race. I felt really heavy. When out of nowhere, I got a notification on my phone saying someone had paid off the remaining amount of my tuition for the race.
$18,500 in 6 months. Every time I look at this number, I’m overwhelmed with people’s generosity and God’s faithfulness to provide for his promise. He invited me on an adventure with him; he wasn’t going to let a mere $18,500 or emotions of not being prepared stand in his way. With this in mind, despite the people I’m going to miss, I am stoked to embark on this journey.
What adventures has the Holy Spirit invited you on lately?
OMG. I am so happy for you my Allison. You have made me so proud. You are an outstanding lady. I was you give you my blessing on your big adventure. God will be looking at after you every step of the way. Send you my love ?? And lots of positive energy. Love you baby girl. Stay strong and safe and healthy. Javier and Jake. ????
Allison, Jeff and I love you so very much. You make us proud in everything you do. While I’ll miss you more then I could ever express, I know this is something that you have always wanted to do. I pray you enjoy your time and then come back to us.
We love you so so very much.
Wow, girl, you perfectly captured the thoughts that have been tumbling around inside me!!! Can’t wait to launch with you so soon (even if we’re no where near ready)!
Hey Al
I am so stoked to read about your journey. The circumstances are one side of it, but to see how you went through the last weeks with your heart since this time has been such a challenge to you impresses me. You might not felt emotionally or spiritually prepared but as you say: “God will never have anything ready to give me that I am not prepared to receive.”
I admire this posture and in my opinion, this very posture of yours is the best preparation you could ever have for going into mission. Wow, what a heart for God to use all over the world!
I’m praying, that God will remind you of the fact that he lead you this way. Whenever you doubt going on that trip, whenever it gets really tough, in what way ever. I don’t wish you any hard moments at all ! But if you are on the battlefield, you will most likely get under fire and I just pray, that you don’t forget that you act in the order of the one that also supplies the victory!
I’m so stoked to see how God is going to work through your faithfulness and obedience.
God bless you Al ??