Dunk’d

My feet were numb as soon as I dipped them into the freezing water. No matter how cold, I knew I had to go under. Things were different this time. I had complete faith in that. I didn’t care if I was still in regular clothes. I didn’t care if it was late, and we all had to be up at five in the morning. I didn’t care if every part of my body went numb due to the freezing temperature of the water. Things were about to change. I needed things to change.

If you had asked me even ten minutes before that moment how I felt about being baptized more than once, I would have laughed. Back in month two of the race, we were in Antigua, Guatemala having our debrief. I had been struggling with severe anxiety the whole month, which was wack because I had never struggled with it like that before. Our squad mentor told us about how her church back in the states does baptism nights. These nights weren’t just for people who had never been baptized, but it was the whole church coming together and getting dunked to repent of their sins, proclaim new freedom, heal the mind, and heal the body. Wack right? I thought so too. She then announced that we were going to have a baptism night.. like within the next hour. As crazy as I thought this was, I knew I had some severe anxiety that needed to be dealt with, so why not try?

We used a bathtub at a local house as our baptismal.. and yes, we dunked thirty missionaries in the same water… I can spare you the details of the color and consistency of the water after only the first five dunks. I could feel the oppression of anxiety even as I got into that tub, but I had hope. My leaders anointed my head with oil, prayed over me, and under I went. Everyone celebrated as I climbed out of the tub, but as I stood alone in the next room over in my sopping wet clothes, I still felt it; I still felt the anxiety. Nothing changed.

Everyone else got out of that tub shaking or crying with a major life change, but despite what I saw, I made my decision based on what I felt; more than one baptism is unnecessary and absolutely nothing comes out of it.

That was our debrief in February, and we are currently at our debrief in September. During debrief, we have this rhythm of worshiping, having sessions, and a few one-on-one sessions. That night we were supposed to have just a short session of worship, and then we’d be free to get some rest, but the Lord had other plans. My squad-mate, Abby, got up in front of everyone and shared how she had never really been baptized, so tonight, she was going to get dunked in the backyard pool. We all followed out and worshiped as she was being baptized. I stood near the back with a huge smirk because I was glad I wasn’t the one hopping in that freezing water. These people jumped in because they believed in the power of repentance and the bold faith that the Lord would heal them mentally or physically. I thought it was silly. The lord was quick to wipe my smug grin off my face when he asked me why I didn’t have faith like that.

He brought Mark 7:1-13 to mind. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they were treating their own tradition as if it were the word of God. The truth was God never commanded this tradition; they made it sacred in their own minds. Verses 6-8 say,

 “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men. You leave the commandment of God and hold to the tradition of men. You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition.”

It hit me… I knew the Lord healed, but I didn’t think he wanted to heal me. Where had my faith gone? I honor the Lord with my lips, but my faith was far from him; it was resting in some tradition of only being baptized once. Who am I to say that being baptized more than once is wrong? People were coming up from that water set free, healed, filled, etc. How could I discredit that?  I knew I had to get in that water. To repent, ask for healing and a fresh hunger.

What traditions in your life are you mistaking as commandments?